Movies, Endings, and Future?

 I always hate when movies end and the credits roll. These vivid stories are suddenly over with no true ending. The movie will hint at the future but we don't know what that looks like. Over time, I started creating my own ending. I illustrate in my mind what the future is for these characters. Sometimes, I am happy with an ending. More often, a movie ends poorly.

    It's a lot like life. I don't know what the ending is when I'm taking my last breath and going back to Heaven. I can guess and plan, but ultimately it is in God's hands. I can't watch the second movie and peek at my future but I can grow closer to God and receive a hint or two.

 This blog has been abandoned and only revived because of the pandemic. I used to have viewers from ten or so countries. Becoming an adult leaves one in a position to let things go.

Perhaps I will revive this blog to inspire me to write and read more. I have so many thoughts cluttered in my mind and nowhere to put them. I shall leave them here. 

I think a lot about how the United States is in a post 9-11 world and soon the US will be in a post-covid or post-pandemic world. That's an odd thought. Something tragic happens, we give it a name, and move on. In the words of Taylor Swift, everything has changed. School is online, the church is sometimes online, socializing is often done over zoom, and many lives have crumbled under the economic pressure. 

Hope is present, God is in control, all will be well. Tragic things occurred so we found a way to cope. Horrible things happen but hope still remains. 

Thanksgiving

I just realized this will be my first Thanksgiving without either of my brothers. This is hard to face as we have always spent that time together, no matter which parent "got us" that year. Now, as one lives far away and the other is going to his in-laws, I am left to celebrate without my favorite nerdy brothers. However, despite this slightly depressing sentiment, I am grateful for the family I will have at Christmas, namely my sister and brother-in-law.

All this thinking makes me grateful for the extra efforts I made in the past, knowing they would grow up before me. The few times we have all together are incredibly sweet and cherished. It still hurts not to have them ten steps down the hall, but I am happy for their great success.

Time passes so quickly now, years go by at an accelerated rate. Everything felt so slow as a child and now it seems like I'm ahead of some people my age, and falling behind others. Again, bringing forth the point that there is no set order for life and each individual chooses what they want.

Watching young people play and always remembering to treat them with equal respect as that is all I ever wanted as a child.

Analyzing Fashion and Shopping

Throughout my childhood, my parents had divorced and money was tight. Naturally, this meant hunting for bargains and wearing things I didn't always like. As status changed and shopping could be a little less price-conscious, my mother taught me to analyze the fabric content. If something was was not genuine leather, cashmere, or wool, she would discourage me from buying it. This could sound snobbish, but it makes sense. Natural fabrics breathe better, last longer, and are more comfortable.

This attention to quality has taught me to be a very strategic shopper. If the fabric is not comfortable, I simply do not buy it.

Over the years, it became my mission to dress well at all times. Trading my Downeast basics for Nordstrom Rack gold.

As a teenager, I wanted to be trendy, which resulted in a lot of purchases that I rarely wore. Whatever trendy item came along I would try to find and wear. This became a problem as I did not know what my personal style was. It took years to give up the facade of current trends in favor of my personal style. Masculine silhouettes are replaced by the frills, lace, and pink I adored as a child.

The great thing about defining one's style is that it limits the need to shop. I already have a closet of clothes that I love, there's no need to buy more trendy pieces I'll be getting rid of in six months. This also brings a sense of confidence that does not exist when trying to match the teens of the day.

I do not own, nor have I tried many trends teens seek. I have no need for masculine graphic tees with a long sleeve shirt layered underneath, mom jeans, or the ugliest chunky sneakers.

This is not to say that I do not focus on trends or note what is the style for the season, but that I do not obsessively seek out trends I don't actually like. This alone has grown my confidence as an adult, not needing to conform to the trends of the day.

Life has no straight line explanation of what to do. Yet as an adult, there are so many options it can be dizzying. How does one choose a major at college, a job to work towards, or a companion?

Truth is no one knows. Despite how the older generation acts, they were not any better than we are at life decisions. Time passes and things change, often outside of one's control. Choices have to be made, and whether they're right or not, is hard to tell.

The question of why hardships come to some and others glide by with seemingly few difficulties. The strength of a person to overcome difficulties and learn from said hardships, why some become strong at a young age and others only their realize strength in old age.

The giant's shoulders to stand on and those who came before. Beautiful names that frame who we are. People from various countries throughout the world and the stories that brought them to one's country and how you came to be. Such a beautiful testament to God's purpose for your life and existence.

Seeing the face of a relative you never had seen. So familiar though unknown.

Genealogy is popular for a reason because the confusion of this world leads us to seek our ancestors, understand our roots. There is peace in this as they make up who we are, whether they live or have already gone on.

Written on November 5, 2015

Surrounded by beautiful things to look at, I  stare at the mountains, the sky, and all of the wonderful people surrounding me. How was I blessed to look at such beautiful  of mountains, why such amazing of people. Why was I blessed with such wonderful of things. Why are the skies so blue, the clouds so white, and the colors so pungent. Why in a world as awful, terrifying, wicked, and crude, why would it be full of such beauty, love, and goodness. Why in such a place, would God place us to learn. Why would he know to do such a thing. That it would be the best place for us to learn. That we could not learn what we need to and become who we are, in a place rich with despair, sickness, and hate, would God place people loving, kind, and pure, to teach others to be so. Why would humble circumstances make a man mighty and mighty circumstances make a man to be humbled. How could a man as mighty, wonderful, and loving as God is, allow us to be broken, bloodied, and barren. How did he know that through such hard circumstances, situations, and people, we would come to know him, come to know right, come to know Christ, and come to know him.  What would he mean to teach us by putting us through hardship, sorrow, and grief. If not to know, love, charity, Christ, and sympathy. If not meant to learn, grow, and return to God, what else? What is the most important thing? What would a life as long and short, beautiful and horrid, as this life is, mean to merely, well, us? Why would we know such heartache, well knowing such strength. Riches, while knowing such humility. Splendor while knowing such space. If Heavenly Father meant for us to be so strong, he meant for us to be weak, too. He meant for us to gain strength and power, while knowing who was behind all of this strength and power. He knew that we would need to have help, hurry, and honor. He knew we would need a guide, a compass, and friend. These would sometimes not be needed, this is a familiar path, we may walk alone. But, we would come to know, that even in the easiest of times, our guide was following us all along the way, ready to spring on any threat, help us through any difficulty, and teach what we needed to learn. And oddly enough, we were not given a perfectly marked path, but one with detours and confusion, pitfalls, and hardship, but not without plenty of joy, compassion, perseverance, and love. 

Confusion, complexity

This age is strange, a weird mixture of youth and responsibility. On one end, no longer a minor, confidentiality is a huge issue. It's strange going about life so independently, yet still knowing that family is so close. Decisions are mine, but not my own alone. Sometimes the world seems to crumble in the hands of incompetent individuals, while other times, clarity and hope are brought by the small actions of others. Memories flood my mind of when others have thought to help me, or another stranger.

It is crazy how the smallest actions to distance oneself from another can end up being the most important actions to move on from pain. Who really knows, perhaps in the end, it could cause more pain. However, sometimes distance is necessary.

It is crazy how complex lives are. Each individual has a life of their own. A young child may be worried about her baseball team, dance class, her younger siblings. Her mother may be worried about her husband who is sick, but does not want to tell the children.

Thoughts remain in the brain and unheard unless expressed somehow.

Non-verbals..

writing...

Spoken Words...

PUBLICATION...

a whisper...

...art

MuSIC

It is a fact that when a person has angry feelings that they do not express in some way, they end up in a very uncomfortable position.

How does a person know if they have made the right decision? A feeling of peace or relief. The wrong decision coupled with regret, fear, or stress. A stupor of thought.

Hardship.. knowing that difficult things happen despite a person's best efforts. Bad things happen to good people. A test of character and a purification of their heart and mind, in a non-literal way. But, it does not always happen that way. Sometimes hard times cause bitterness, fear, pain. These feelings remain for a time, years, a lifetime.

Forgiveness, how do people forgive when others nearly destroy their lives, them as a person. Differences exist, clearly, but destruction occurs when others place their way of life on a person's heart, expecting them to accept. Despite best efforts, even when intentions appear pure, this can cause significant stress when a person tries to ignore their roots but cannot.

Conclusion. Though these ideas are not wholly original or even mildly exciting, it appears that they are important. Explained by a younger mind, perhaps they are significant. That is for the reader to determine.