Inspiring sentence.

Isn't it a grand thought that what we do matters, what we think matters, who we become matters, but that we are doing better than we think?

I SURVIVED COLLEGE FOR A YEAR

Oh, look. I've survived it for a year. Time to shout from the rooftops, I SURVIVED COLLEGE FOR A YEAR!!! And I have to say, what a feeling. I started college classes officially as a junior and did pretty well, now I'm a senior and I survived this semester too. No major mental breakdowns, just a ton of senioritis. If it's even a word. And I had a dream this morning. I was on a mountain hiking or climbing or something. What a wonderful adventure it was. I keep having dreams like that, on grand adventures in random places, just on snowy mountains, and I have to say, whether it is a prediction of the future or not, I can't wait to go on those adventures, because what I'm realizing is that I love snow more than summer. I love the snow more than the summer, because the snow is unpredictable. You never know when it will snow, or get windy, or even when you'll be able to go on an adventure. Isn't it funny that I thought I hated winter, when I truly love it. It seems that some of my largest fears turn into my biggest loves? I never thought I would learn to love winter so much, but this winter has changed me and I love it so much! I used to nearly hate winter because it meant being cooped up inside. But, what I realize now is that it is a peaceful feeling. It seems a calmer time of year. It is also a time when I can ski, sled, and make snowmen with my friends. What better way to spend the day than that? And as a child, it seems half of my memories are in the snow, my dad pulling me around the neighborhood in a sled, happy as can be. But, most importantly what I am realizing is that happiness is found in the smallest of moments, where it seems no one would notice, but it means that much more because I noticed it. Just simple times, where it would seem boring and uneventful to another, but to you, it means the world.

And, to you it is the world! It is so easy to learn so much. Observing other people, their actions, their kind attitude, their response to situations others would freak out during. Observing their ability to be like a duck and have things easily roll off of their back. To be able to do what they must. Pursue their dreams. Grit their teeth, work hard, and pursue all that they possibly can. To have balance, to work hard, and to be themselves. Confident, Classy, Kind, and Caring!

Love of skiing, Love of Studying!

Isn't a funny thought that just yesterday I was marveling about how fun it would be, once it snowed, to go ski, play in the snow, and wear comfy clothes with no excuse needed, but that it was cold out. And thinking about how winter was not even a thing the past few years. That it literally only snowed on Christmas last year and that I missed the fun of winter. The darkness and the cold were not worth it unless it snowed. How I wished that it would, but that it was yet to happen and hoped that it would. But, as I began to get ready this morning, I looked out our french doors, and bam, hello snow, it's nice to meet ya! Stay awhile will you? So I can ski the winter away and have an excuse for plenty of fun ski trips. I think that it will be the funnest of winters I've had! I honestly cannot wait to don my ski pants, jacket and boots, ride the shuttle up to the top, get on the lift, and glide down the mountain, only to go all the way up again and have the time of my life, on my beautiful skies. Bought last season, but never used, and also, to buy a new pair of snow pants. I honestly cannot think of a better way to spend my winter. I don't think there is a way to spend a winter, other than to ski the day away, then ski the night away, return exhausted, and then do it all over again. Why not spend Christmas break in this way? I mean, don't mind if I do.
Whether with other people, or alone, I have no doubt that it will be the best way to spend my winter and avoid cabin fever, because winter is cold and painful and I do not desire it. Unless I can maintain my workouts and expend energy, winter becomes more of a fear than a joy. Christmas season comes and goes, and I'm left to another three months of darkness. And then spring decides to show up for a minute, while pushing through to survive until break, and then until finals and a three month break for vacation, though the extent of my vacation is literally like three or four counties. Talk about boring! But it is a much needed break. Something fun to do instead of absolutely nothing. Endless books, tests, reading, study, so much school it could make your head spin, but somehow, at the end of the year, after so much hard work, dedication, perseverance, and a few sleepless nights, I receive the satisfaction of knowing I did it for another year. I conquered myself, my fears, my heartache, and my pain. And I did it in school, where I truly do learn something new everyday, if only that I must go learn for myself, for the teacher cannot teach me. I must teach myself, and in doing so, learn to teach others.

Thoughts from Thursday

Today is Thursday and surprising it has been a very good day. I was up until about four am writing my research journal for English 1010 and I somehow convinced myself to finish it though I was nearly dead and not exactly able to read super fast and comprehending the whole thing. Oddly enough I did a decent job on it and was able to turn it in and receive credit. It was among my worst jobs on a paper. Ill prepared, citing the same source three times, and not doing as well as I could have or normally would have, had I tried. I suppose I will do my best to be a kind person, learn what I can, and truly apply myself in college so as to avoid a job I hate, stupidity, and regret. I am honestly more afraid of regret than I am of failing, because every chance I take, whether I perform perfectly or not, is a time where I can learn and grow and become more of who I want to. I am proud of myself for finishing it. Glad that I could do my best work for four am. Even  if it meant only four hours of sleep, completely missing class, and losing sleep. I suppose my professor is more forgiving than I realized unlike what I previously thought. I have never felt so good about doing so bad. She gave me many pointers and I am proud to say that I started to apply them to my writing and assignment as soon as I reached the library. Am glad to be in a university and school where second chances are allowed and where I can improve so much, gain so much, and learn to be better than I ever thought possible. Glad am I for the lessons I have learned and the things I have been taught. Though not my best paper, I am sure that from now on, I will be able to do what I must. I have redone the paper and done her assigned class readings. I understand now, thank you to her for her help.

Well, here I sit, in a library room, full of people. And they are all focused, all studying, on a Friday morning. Why you may ask? Well perhaps if they study a lot today, there'll be no need to study over the weekend.
Perhaps for them, to hustle during the week, with work, school, life, and other hard things, is to find the freedom to do what they will over the weekend. It is true, that is their purpose, as it is mine.

What I'm really afraid of is entitlement. They say our generation has issues with entitlement and I'm afraid of that. That maybe I am part of that. And what if I am? What if I'm unable to do something better for the world. What if I become someone I never wanted to become and don't do what I really want to do? Or rather, I don't do what I'm really meant to do?

But, what if it truly is not an issue, and I just need to continue to work hard and not worry about what others say about my generation? The more you prove yourself, the more others see your sincere work ethic, goals, and kindness.

COLLEGE IS SCARY!!!

Perhaps to motivate myself, perhaps not. Well, I attended my first actual college class this month. I have always had this insane, nearly paralyzing fear of college. I had not double checked on my courses, so on the first day back for Christmas break, I was not expecting to attend my college classes. I searched for where they were the morning before, and printed off the schedule, but it did not show the class number. This led to issues as I tried to find where my class was. I spent near half an hour trying to find it online, connecting to data and looking for the building it was in. I also considered cutting class and not going that day. I finally figured out where it was, walked up a flight of stairs, approached the door to the class, smoothed my outfit and started to walk in. I was terrified. There sat thirty other people in the classroom, all at least two years older than I. I could not find an empty seat. The only person to smile at me was a woman that was probably in her forties. Who knows, maybe even with a couple kids. I found an empty seat and sat down. It took a minute for me to focus, as it was so intimidating, but, then, I thought, "they are probably not any smarter than me, more capable or more worthy of this than I am. Why am I so scared? They have no idea how young I am and I am supposed to be here." So, I relaxed, began taking notes and talked to the professor at the end about my being late like it was no big deal. I realized how much my mind literally determines what I will do, who I will become, and what "chances" I will be willing to take. So, I have not missed class since, have learned a lot, and have gotten past my feeling of inferiority due to age. So I suppose I enjoy the few actual college classes I have. College is cool, not intimidating. So many different types of people, all pursuing different goals, all hoping to fufill their dreams, at any age, and why should I be restricted from that?

Age truly is just a number. Chase your dreams!