Perspective

Well, what they say is true, you win some and ya lose some. And sometimes life just sucks. But, what I have realized even in the worst of times, is that even then, there is still hope, deep, deep, deep within myself. I know that I am smart, and I likely do great things as I already have, and that I have learned not to let fear hold me back, because the few times that it does, I end up MEGA regretting. So, here's to you fear, for telling me that I am doing something great. I was once told that all people are born average and they stumble upon their greatness later. It is not something they immediately recognize as a kid. It is something that has always been deep within their soul there whole life, and they recognize when the time comes. But, I have also noticed that the farther on these people get with their lives and the more they learn, the more people hate them, the more they struggle, and the more they overcome. However, would these people be the same without their struggles...well, not exactly. See, we seem to admire people who have struggled  throughout their lives, put on a smile to show for it, but also talk about the hard stuff. And they also say fame changes people. Or as I see it, they stop being grounded. Tim McGraw once said that we should continue to stay humble no matter what. I agree. I mean what is so great about so many of these people? They are confident in an un cocky way. They still know that they are still an average human being like everybody else, they just happen to be successful in one way or another.
But, you see,  something I have also noticed is that we have to have people to take the jobs we do not like. No one really wants to work at McDonald's their whole life, but it happens to some, just because. Perhaps there is no reason, maybe their life just led them there? What about me, what am I doing and what is my part in this scheme of colleges, opportunities, internships, jobs, scholarships, and growing up. I will tell you, I truthfully do not know. But, I also know that a lot of my favorite things I just kind of stumbled upon, it was never just something that happened, but something that I would end upon that ended up being really great, and I guess that's where I will find what I want, lost confused and in darkness, when God finally turns on a little light bulb leading down a hard but equally beautiful path. And I guess that is a round about way to explain my life right now. Confusing but beautiful, cause I do not know exactly what I am going to do tomorrow and that is a beautiful thing.

Right now, in this moment,

Well, as per usual it is about one am, I should be asleep, but instead, I blog! With graduation so close, I realize that I have yet to grow up. Yes, I am older and I understand a lot about the world that I used to simply wonder about, but, as is commonly said, the more you know, the more you realize how little you know. And I know very little.
I remember not long ago being in math class and wondering how this truly related to daily life and the world around us. Unlike the common, "Oh, how could it possibly," I realized that it really does! I saw the first few minutes of a NOVA documentary of sorts on math. It was amazing to realize that literally everything and I MEAN EVERYTHING they talk about we learned in math class. About Fibonacci, and Newton, and all of these courageous men who merely discovered something they already seemed to know. The question of whether God created the Universe or not, but also if we really copy nature or not. How our society truly is based mostly on math. How video games are designed using math, computers, t.v, garage door openers, literally almost everything technological requires math!!! No wonder Mathematicians are rich, they created and continue to create modern technology! And that is why I need to learn to program, master Calculus, and finish college!

Inspiring sentence.

Isn't it a grand thought that what we do matters, what we think matters, who we become matters, but that we are doing better than we think?

I SURVIVED COLLEGE FOR A YEAR

Oh, look. I've survived it for a year. Time to shout from the rooftops, I SURVIVED COLLEGE FOR A YEAR!!! And I have to say, what a feeling. I started college classes officially as a junior and did pretty well, now I'm a senior and I survived this semester too. No major mental breakdowns, just a ton of senioritis. If it's even a word. And I had a dream this morning. I was on a mountain hiking or climbing or something. What a wonderful adventure it was. I keep having dreams like that, on grand adventures in random places, just on snowy mountains, and I have to say, whether it is a prediction of the future or not, I can't wait to go on those adventures, because what I'm realizing is that I love snow more than summer. I love the snow more than the summer, because the snow is unpredictable. You never know when it will snow, or get windy, or even when you'll be able to go on an adventure. Isn't it funny that I thought I hated winter, when I truly love it. It seems that some of my largest fears turn into my biggest loves? I never thought I would learn to love winter so much, but this winter has changed me and I love it so much! I used to nearly hate winter because it meant being cooped up inside. But, what I realize now is that it is a peaceful feeling. It seems a calmer time of year. It is also a time when I can ski, sled, and make snowmen with my friends. What better way to spend the day than that? And as a child, it seems half of my memories are in the snow, my dad pulling me around the neighborhood in a sled, happy as can be. But, most importantly what I am realizing is that happiness is found in the smallest of moments, where it seems no one would notice, but it means that much more because I noticed it. Just simple times, where it would seem boring and uneventful to another, but to you, it means the world.

And, to you it is the world! It is so easy to learn so much. Observing other people, their actions, their kind attitude, their response to situations others would freak out during. Observing their ability to be like a duck and have things easily roll off of their back. To be able to do what they must. Pursue their dreams. Grit their teeth, work hard, and pursue all that they possibly can. To have balance, to work hard, and to be themselves. Confident, Classy, Kind, and Caring!

Love of skiing, Love of Studying!

Isn't a funny thought that just yesterday I was marveling about how fun it would be, once it snowed, to go ski, play in the snow, and wear comfy clothes with no excuse needed, but that it was cold out. And thinking about how winter was not even a thing the past few years. That it literally only snowed on Christmas last year and that I missed the fun of winter. The darkness and the cold were not worth it unless it snowed. How I wished that it would, but that it was yet to happen and hoped that it would. But, as I began to get ready this morning, I looked out our french doors, and bam, hello snow, it's nice to meet ya! Stay awhile will you? So I can ski the winter away and have an excuse for plenty of fun ski trips. I think that it will be the funnest of winters I've had! I honestly cannot wait to don my ski pants, jacket and boots, ride the shuttle up to the top, get on the lift, and glide down the mountain, only to go all the way up again and have the time of my life, on my beautiful skies. Bought last season, but never used, and also, to buy a new pair of snow pants. I honestly cannot think of a better way to spend my winter. I don't think there is a way to spend a winter, other than to ski the day away, then ski the night away, return exhausted, and then do it all over again. Why not spend Christmas break in this way? I mean, don't mind if I do.
Whether with other people, or alone, I have no doubt that it will be the best way to spend my winter and avoid cabin fever, because winter is cold and painful and I do not desire it. Unless I can maintain my workouts and expend energy, winter becomes more of a fear than a joy. Christmas season comes and goes, and I'm left to another three months of darkness. And then spring decides to show up for a minute, while pushing through to survive until break, and then until finals and a three month break for vacation, though the extent of my vacation is literally like three or four counties. Talk about boring! But it is a much needed break. Something fun to do instead of absolutely nothing. Endless books, tests, reading, study, so much school it could make your head spin, but somehow, at the end of the year, after so much hard work, dedication, perseverance, and a few sleepless nights, I receive the satisfaction of knowing I did it for another year. I conquered myself, my fears, my heartache, and my pain. And I did it in school, where I truly do learn something new everyday, if only that I must go learn for myself, for the teacher cannot teach me. I must teach myself, and in doing so, learn to teach others.

Thoughts from Thursday

Today is Thursday and surprising it has been a very good day. I was up until about four am writing my research journal for English 1010 and I somehow convinced myself to finish it though I was nearly dead and not exactly able to read super fast and comprehending the whole thing. Oddly enough I did a decent job on it and was able to turn it in and receive credit. It was among my worst jobs on a paper. Ill prepared, citing the same source three times, and not doing as well as I could have or normally would have, had I tried. I suppose I will do my best to be a kind person, learn what I can, and truly apply myself in college so as to avoid a job I hate, stupidity, and regret. I am honestly more afraid of regret than I am of failing, because every chance I take, whether I perform perfectly or not, is a time where I can learn and grow and become more of who I want to. I am proud of myself for finishing it. Glad that I could do my best work for four am. Even  if it meant only four hours of sleep, completely missing class, and losing sleep. I suppose my professor is more forgiving than I realized unlike what I previously thought. I have never felt so good about doing so bad. She gave me many pointers and I am proud to say that I started to apply them to my writing and assignment as soon as I reached the library. Am glad to be in a university and school where second chances are allowed and where I can improve so much, gain so much, and learn to be better than I ever thought possible. Glad am I for the lessons I have learned and the things I have been taught. Though not my best paper, I am sure that from now on, I will be able to do what I must. I have redone the paper and done her assigned class readings. I understand now, thank you to her for her help.

Well, here I sit, in a library room, full of people. And they are all focused, all studying, on a Friday morning. Why you may ask? Well perhaps if they study a lot today, there'll be no need to study over the weekend.
Perhaps for them, to hustle during the week, with work, school, life, and other hard things, is to find the freedom to do what they will over the weekend. It is true, that is their purpose, as it is mine.