Confusion, complexity

This age is strange, a weird mixture of youth and responsibility. On one end, no longer a minor, confidentiality is a huge issue. It's strange going about life so independently, yet still knowing that family is so close. Decisions are mine, but not my own alone. Sometimes the world seems to crumble in the hands of incompetent individuals, while other times, clarity and hope are brought by the small actions of others. Memories flood my mind of when others have thought to help me, or another stranger.

It is crazy how the smallest actions to distance oneself from another can end up being the most important actions to move on from pain. Who really knows, perhaps in the end, it could cause more pain. However, sometimes distance is necessary.

It is crazy how complex lives are. Each individual has a life of their own. A young child may be worried about her baseball team, dance class, her younger siblings. Her mother may be worried about her husband who is sick, but does not want to tell the children.

Thoughts remain in the brain and unheard unless expressed somehow.

Non-verbals..

writing...

Spoken Words...

PUBLICATION...

a whisper...

...art

MuSIC

It is a fact that when a person has angry feelings that they do not express in some way, they end up in a very uncomfortable position.

How does a person know if they have made the right decision? A feeling of peace or relief. The wrong decision coupled with regret, fear, or stress. A stupor of thought.

Hardship.. knowing that difficult things happen despite a person's best efforts. Bad things happen to good people. A test of character and a purification of their heart and mind, in a non-literal way. But, it does not always happen that way. Sometimes hard times cause bitterness, fear, pain. These feelings remain for a time, years, a lifetime.

Forgiveness, how do people forgive when others nearly destroy their lives, them as a person. Differences exist, clearly, but destruction occurs when others place their way of life on a person's heart, expecting them to accept. Despite best efforts, even when intentions appear pure, this can cause significant stress when a person tries to ignore their roots but cannot.

Conclusion. Though these ideas are not wholly original or even mildly exciting, it appears that they are important. Explained by a younger mind, perhaps they are significant. That is for the reader to determine.

Late night thoughts..

CAREER:

Who knows

Just not something I already hate

Suited to my personality

Peaceful environment

Motivating.

Even paced.

passion

health

LOVE:

Mature

Kind

Adorable

Makes me Laugh

RESPECTFUL.

Smart

SCHOOL

Not current place

Good people

ROOM

pretty

"Love people and use things, because the opposite never works."

The People of Retail

Working retail is a strange occupation. On one hand, you must focus on the assigned work and completing necessary tasks. On the other hand, there is this sincere desire to find what people need and to connect with them.

Help a person find shin guards for their daughter and matching pink socks. I smile, if I had the chance to play as a child, I would have asked for both pink socks and shin guards like her. Or the old people who have a far off, loving look in their eye. Who give advice. The old man who says, "Thanks Brooke." And says to his grandson, "see, she smiles when I say her name." And as he approaches the door he says, "it's something you pick up on over the years."

Working through clothing to be put away, shelves to straighten, and tags to place is a sort of drudgery similar to household chores. Necessary to daily store operation but not the favorite. However, the connection to people seems to be the reason that it is worth it.

It seems that the quiet and insane simplicity of retail work allows time for the mind to wander. Though there is constantly music blaring, I find myself pondering on life's issues. Schooling, family, money, the direction the world is going in, or people in general. It seems the same conclusions pop into my mind.

I realize I have a better memory than I thought, or that old friends just happen in. Short conversations in an effort to keep up on the work, but knowing that they still care about me. Seeing that people care about each other as they share coupons. They may never cross paths again, yet they want to be of assistance.

Even the homeless people, for the most part seem to have good in them. Though their lifestyle of begging is potentially controversial, it is clear that they are trying to get through the best way that they know how.

Each day at work will get long or boring, but then something small will happen. A small gesture by a person asking how my day is going, the use of my name as it is visible on my lanyard, or a coworker will crack a joke. Small things that show we each care about each other and make an effort to improve another's day.

I guess, too, the realization that as other's work through their own personal pain, they need to be loved. Imposing personal beliefs upon a person will not aid the situation. People just need love. Though sometimes a hard lesson to learn, it is entirely necessary to be a good human being.

In conclusion, I have learned throughout my life, but especially lately, that we need to love others, but also accept their love and care for them.

Desire

I want to wear a blazer everyday, because in a way it symbolizes class, power, and intelligence. To be in an environment where my ideas are valued and my thoughts considered. Perhaps a medical doctor, lawyer, nurse, or businesswoman. Perhaps all at once somehow. To do charity work for those in desperate need of love and care. To write and read and just be. To have all the skills necessary to be successful and all of the education to be respected. May be just a dream, or a very near truth.

Heartbreak

As defined by Merriam Webster, heartbreak is, "crushing grief, anguish, or distress." Most hear this word and think of a breakup or familial problem. Perhaps issues with friends, or finding the right friends. But it has become clear to me that, though such a feeling not desirable, it is necessary to experience joy. It allows one to have something to compare it to.

For me, I am becoming increasing aware of how independent I am and my ocassional unwillingness to accept the help of others. Perhaps it is not such a bad thing after all. In a world like this, independence is entirely necessary to secure a good life for oneself. Who knows.

The one thing I do know, it isn't a bad thing to do things on your own and forge your own path along the way. Often, it is even better.