BUCKET LIST AND JUMPING OUT OF PLANES YO

Thoughts are funny. I mean to an extent we all read each others minds. In a simple way. Not that we have that talent as people, but if we listen, our "intuition" or "gut feeling," is usually right. "What the mind believes, the mind can achieve." Which is funny, I mean, how do we even know that? How can we tell another's feeling, even when we do not know their thoughts? I suppose it would be categorized as a spiritual connection. Something, that if you know a person in the right way, in a kind, loving, respectful way, you just know. You can tell. It is a funny thing. It is beautiful. And well, truthfully, the connections we make with other people are really what make life meaningful and worthwhile. What would life be without someone to share it with, someone to mourn with. Someone to experience crazy things with. Someone to JUMP OUT OF A PLANE WITH. (Cough Cough BUCKET LIST..Sorry mom, I will be sure to wear a parachute!) But, really, life is about the people you know. The issues you get through with those people, the bonds you form with strangers and family alike.

Old Woman

She sits quietly as she listens to her grandchildren's chatter. She knows the feeling of that age, long ago, when the world seemed simple in a beautiful, innocent, free way. She knows this world is beautiful now, but in a different way. A way that has changed her. Her children know much of her, her husband more, and yet her siblings more.
Grand stories of adventures, both alone, and with her husband. She knows so much. Attending different universities. Trying unique food. Connecting with people around the world. Inspiring all that she could. She does not realize or remember every detail as freshly, but she has kept them. In a place only an idea a hundred years ago. A place her children love for all of the unique people that inhabit it and inspire others. All of the people they claim as role models. She carefully tells stories of long ago. As a child in a "broken," home. Of life with two crazy, rambunctious brothers. Of siblings she never knew she would have, but that she learned to love anyway. Of parents she only heard about in books, but never knew she would know them. Of families that are split, but just as good, if not better. For she would not know so many wonderful people, if not for them. Of changing schools. Of hobbies as a child. Of those who inspired her. Of her lovely grandmother. Of the weekends and breaks doing chores and playing with her dogs as a Senior. Her grandfather, who passed earlier, but who inspired her to pursue unique activities, and allow her brightness to shine. Of her other grandfather, still present at the end of school, who felt distant at times, but who took her on horse rides, and all of the times discussing a range of topics, inspired by his magazines. Her mother and father, though very different people, similar in enough ways to make her feel safe, comfortable, and loved. Intelligent people, she says. Both well read, college educated, and kind. Both in their own fight for justice, mercy, and goodness. And both caring enough to guide her through her dreams, and let her pursue them, with enough support. Both teaching her to work hard for what she wanted. Both able to calm her, inspire her, and help her. Both truly have her best interest at heart, as I do, and as your parents do.
Adventures, she says, are not limited to travel and wilderness, but to the people you go about daily life with. Those who inspire you, those you read about and feel connected with. Those you relate to. Those who help you through a hard time. Those who convince you to push through the hard times. And those insane enough to help create your ideas, even when they question what you are doing. Those who help you to follow God, who humbly go about their lives, in pursuit of bettering themselves, and those around them. Those around who are kind, who truly care about you, and who refuse to use you. Those who choose to be your friend, simply because they can. Those who inspire you to pursue what makes you feel good, what makes you feel better, and what makes you feel connected to God and Nature. SO, to eighty year old me, above all, pursue these things, pursue what you know, and pursue the good people in your life. So that when this day comes and you are teaching your young grandchildren, they feel nothing but love, devotion, respect, and interest. And, most importantly, follow your dreams, you will only regret it if you do not. Do your best to be kind, loving, grateful, and strong. Follow God, follow your dreams, and help others. That is all I ask. Love, your seventeen year old self. Wednesday, April 27, 2016, 1:26 AM

JUST DO IT. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

(Insert Shia Lebouf Motivational video***) I am consistently realizing that my dreams are not so far fetched, my life does have merit, and that I can pursue any dream that I have, whether "realistic," or not, whether through my eyes or another. Life is not so complicated as we let it seem. When I am fifty years old, I can have a youthful of an attitude as I have now. I can dress young, talk smart, and dream big. No matter my age. In my favorite movie, Gilbert Blythe says that, "Being smart is better than being good looking." This is a sentiment that I agree with. I do not have to spend heaps of money, or hours on end to look good to impress others. Besides, all of that powder, mascara, and lipstick comes off at the end of the day. So it really is just an illusion. I feel like confidence and intelligence will serve you better in the long run anyway, more than globs of makeup that break you out. Dreams are much like life and life is much like dreams. When I get enough sleep I consciously, or perhaps unconsciously experience some pretty school stuff. And that inspires me to pursue those things when I wake up. Because, I think about it enough subconsciously that I experience it in my dreams. Perhaps they are so far fletched after all. Perhaps I will fly tonight, just before I wake up.

Dreams

Truck. Mud. Hills, Mountains. Adventures. Freedom. With a group of friends and family, we head up the mountain. Muddy, Scary, Control. Who is at the wheel, I cannot tell... Trees, cliffs, fear. Safety. MUD. We see some cartoon characters. Artfully crafted, they hang between trees like masks in a Haunted house. Trees, everywhere. Finally, we arrive at the lake. It is mid morning.
We don our swimsuits and head in. While still near the small dock, we notice a large green colored van, in front of it a fire truck, on another area of the dock, a larger part for vehicles. We wonder why the firetruck is there. He backs up. We search the water for anything. Then, bobbing about ten yards away from us is a motionless body.
We then notice a water park behind the lockers and restrooms. We head over. We slide down, having a grand old time! I look over, the body is still there. I cannot tell if the firetruck is still there. We head back. It is time to head home. Back to the trucks, back down the mountain. I wake up. It was all just a dream.

50 Things That Me Happy: Part One

1. The endless feeling when you reach at the top of a hill
2. Music - Classical, Ed Sheeran, anything with a good beat
3. Family- Immediate, extended, friends that feel like family, and those that have gone before.
4. And the stories they write.
5. Smiles - Anyone, when they smile is beautiful and it makes me feel close to this world. It is not broken yet, is it?
6. Memories - Just the thought that I have lived longer than this moment, this moment is precious, and will continue to live past the here and now!
7. Children - When they play, whether with me or not, and basically any other time. For, as I leave childhood, that is all they know, mud, dirt, friends, family, recess, school, and bright colors.
8. Books - Any kind really, a thought provoking title, freshly printed, in a bookstore. Worn, maybe a little old looking in a library.
9. Reading- Any book as long as they do not have a hopeless view. That is just depressing. Especially thought provoking text. Anything new, a new author, bestseller, and continuous flow of ideas. Anything that makes you feel equally nostalgic, excited, and content.
10. Brothers- They just make you feel good about life. They are weird and fun and seem to always have new ideas and things to do. They are endlessly curious, which makes me even more curious.
11. Boys- They just seem to understand in a way that girls could never know. They often know exactly what to say to simplify the craziness in my mind. Not to mention, they are way simple in comparison to girls and rarely cause drama.
12. Friends - They are just the ones to laugh your head off with! At just about anything. Or you all just laugh at something stupid and then wonder why.
13. Church- I always feel so full when I leave. My soul is empty as I enter, and as church goes by, I just fill full of light, love and forgiveness. It is indescribable the joy I feel, around those who believe as I do and will help me all I can. It is beautiful.
14. Curly Hair- It is just so unique. Anyone with that frizzy, gorgeous, crazy hair! YES! Love it!
15. Typing- Because it means I am saying something that I care about, that I want the world to hear, even if just for a moment before they scroll on.
16. Photography... The ability to capture whatever you want and any way that you want. It literally freezes a moment. Unlike a video, you can see it for so long. Analyze the colors, the texture, the faces, the environment, the glow of light, or the lack of it.
17. Light- Something that is not always present, but something that you know is always in your life. Something that we do not always have. Something, that when present should be captured, drank in, and remembered. It makes everyone look lovely. It makes me feel closer to God, whether it is physical light from the sun, or spiritual light from God. It repairs the broken parts of my soul, and puts a smile on my face. It allows one to stop in the moment, reevaluate, and see the abounding goodness in other people.
18. Heavenly Father, God, The Big Man Upstairs
19. Jesus Christ, the Atonement, and Miracles
20. Dogs - Young ones, old ones, and especially the ones I run with.
21. Running- Outside, on a fresh crisp morning, or a chilly night. Or a cold rainy morning when you wonder why you left the house in less than a down coat.
22. Love- Both romantic love, and the kind that you feel when someone is down and you just embrace them as if to say, "I will always be here and you can get through this."
23. Feeling - Both the kind you get from nerves in your body, and the kind that make you smile, cry, scream, or speak.
24. Wind - Even when it's cold and hazy and you wish it would leave. It is a feeling that we rarely recognize as beautiful, but it is.
25. Color - It is true what they say, life without color would be so much less fun and amazing. I would gladly lose sight if not for color, and sound, if not for classical music.
26. Talent - Because I believe it is something God gives to each of us in different ways, beautiful.
27. Writing- The realest way to express how you feel.
28. Doctors- 1. because I want to be one 2. Because if you get the right one, they usually can figure out what is wrong. 3. Because watching an operation or a needle poke is one of the coolest things you will ever see!
29. Bodies - Because a lot of things can go wrong, but the majority of society and the world have bodies that work, even if their minds are a bit more of a challenge. Simply that the cardiovascular system, nervous system, and muscular system all work together without fail. That the body operates with minor issues, for the majority of the world population, for the majority of their lives.
30. The mind- Because a lot can go wrong, but for most they usually work well up until age sixty, or longer. Honestly a miracle, and beyond fascinating to study. That each hemisphere works independent of the other and they combine as an infant grows. By the age of say thirty, one can drive, speak, write, learn, understand, compile, and think critically without really thinking at all. Something you learn, as you go about life and your career of choice teaches how to do so.
31. Dreams - Both imagining your wildest dreams and pursuing the ones you had awhile ago.
32. Fresh air through a window on a spring day.
33. Rain - It feels fresh, clean, clear, and freeing.
34. Sunshine- Because vitamin D is good for your health and also feels so good! Not to mention, it gives one a strong feeling of strength, ability, and freedom.
35. Inspiring people. Not the kind that overcome obstacles and become famous, but the ones that continue to work because they know that their is much work to be done. They continuously pursue their dreams, and because they believe it and persevere, they make it. Life has meaning because they were willing to take a risk and pursue a beautiful dream, despite obstacles. They feel it is their calling and they tirelessly pursue, knowing they have yet to fill the need for it in the world.
36. Blogging - It is a freeing platform because so few read it. Unlike journaling, it allows me to put my thoughts out for someone to read besides myself.
37. Water, because anytime I drink it I can feel so free and able to conquer the world. It literally helps the body to function, as it is between seventy-five, and eighty percent water. The brain is also surrounded by water, followed by the skull, muscle, and skin.
38. Road trips, nothing says free quite like ten hours in the car on the open road.
39. Business- Something overlooked by most, but for the entrepreneur, it is a lifestyle that they love.
40. Magazines about things. It doesn't matter what about, but they give you a glimpse into what a certain time period felt like and what was happening at the time, what the body does and how it works, or even a specific topic and view one wants to learn more about.
41. Joyous people- Their joy and light just bounces off of them and you wonder when you last smiled so big. They have magnetic personalities, they seem to know that life is a beautiful challenge, that we can all appreciate.
42. Being alone - As odd as it sounds, it is very comforting to just sit alone somewhere comfortable and get to know yourself or to read and write, to study, to learn, to create, to run, to sew, to eat, to cook, to bake, to climb, to color, and to conjugate. I miss french class.
43. Scriptures, something about the spirit they bring, the joy one feels as questions are answered, and the comfort they bring in a dark world.
44. Quotes - because somehow they inspire me in a way nothing else can. To find the depth in them, the meaning, and the wisdom. The fact that someone crafted that and edited it, like I often do. That they wrote meaning more than just on a page, but something they know will inspire others for hundreds of years to come.
45. Old people. They have more wisdom than most other people. They have this calm, loving quality that makes you feel okay about life and the direction you are going. That it will all work out in the end. This feeling that slows down your life and helps you get your priorities straight. They allow you to see the big perspective, all this petty stuff will not matter, to you or anyone else. It will become pages on an old chapter of your life, that you can tell others about both for laughter and wisdom as you take that position yourself, and begin to inspire others.
46. Mark Twain, because the words he spoke ring true as many authors words do. That they spoke the truth about the time they live in. That the era they know, whether childhood, youth, adolescence, adulthood, or age, is kept forever on the manuscripts they wrote and the words and lessons they speak in words that will never die, because they wrote these words, published them, and continued to write more.
47. Tree climbing, because what screams adventure like hoisting yourself up to the branch of a tree and climbing to the top, finding you are safer than you think. That this is a view often only children and plane pilots see. Not so much that you are a child still, but that you feel like one!
48. Showers - Because of how new you feel when you get out. Body has been cleansed, thoughts recognized, and an outfit one wants to wear is waiting.
49. Trips with family - Though sometimes hard and boring, they often end on a good note, as a closer family, and stronger inside jokes. An adventure you embark on, hoping you brought everything you need, all the writing to read, and paper to fill. That the car will last the whole way, and that the family will have a good time and find joy in the journey from home; to the destination, while there, and on the way home, when you know how close you are, how long it will be, and how antsy you have become.
50. Sunrise, because everything feels so open ended, fresh, free, clear, and bright. Not to mention it is gorgeous to watch.

Perspective

Well, what they say is true, you win some and ya lose some. And sometimes life just sucks. But, what I have realized even in the worst of times, is that even then, there is still hope, deep, deep, deep within myself. I know that I am smart, and I likely do great things as I already have, and that I have learned not to let fear hold me back, because the few times that it does, I end up MEGA regretting. So, here's to you fear, for telling me that I am doing something great. I was once told that all people are born average and they stumble upon their greatness later. It is not something they immediately recognize as a kid. It is something that has always been deep within their soul there whole life, and they recognize when the time comes. But, I have also noticed that the farther on these people get with their lives and the more they learn, the more people hate them, the more they struggle, and the more they overcome. However, would these people be the same without their struggles...well, not exactly. See, we seem to admire people who have struggled  throughout their lives, put on a smile to show for it, but also talk about the hard stuff. And they also say fame changes people. Or as I see it, they stop being grounded. Tim McGraw once said that we should continue to stay humble no matter what. I agree. I mean what is so great about so many of these people? They are confident in an un cocky way. They still know that they are still an average human being like everybody else, they just happen to be successful in one way or another.
But, you see,  something I have also noticed is that we have to have people to take the jobs we do not like. No one really wants to work at McDonald's their whole life, but it happens to some, just because. Perhaps there is no reason, maybe their life just led them there? What about me, what am I doing and what is my part in this scheme of colleges, opportunities, internships, jobs, scholarships, and growing up. I will tell you, I truthfully do not know. But, I also know that a lot of my favorite things I just kind of stumbled upon, it was never just something that happened, but something that I would end upon that ended up being really great, and I guess that's where I will find what I want, lost confused and in darkness, when God finally turns on a little light bulb leading down a hard but equally beautiful path. And I guess that is a round about way to explain my life right now. Confusing but beautiful, cause I do not know exactly what I am going to do tomorrow and that is a beautiful thing.

Right now, in this moment,

Well, as per usual it is about one am, I should be asleep, but instead, I blog! With graduation so close, I realize that I have yet to grow up. Yes, I am older and I understand a lot about the world that I used to simply wonder about, but, as is commonly said, the more you know, the more you realize how little you know. And I know very little.
I remember not long ago being in math class and wondering how this truly related to daily life and the world around us. Unlike the common, "Oh, how could it possibly," I realized that it really does! I saw the first few minutes of a NOVA documentary of sorts on math. It was amazing to realize that literally everything and I MEAN EVERYTHING they talk about we learned in math class. About Fibonacci, and Newton, and all of these courageous men who merely discovered something they already seemed to know. The question of whether God created the Universe or not, but also if we really copy nature or not. How our society truly is based mostly on math. How video games are designed using math, computers, t.v, garage door openers, literally almost everything technological requires math!!! No wonder Mathematicians are rich, they created and continue to create modern technology! And that is why I need to learn to program, master Calculus, and finish college!